Doing it All Over Again
by LostintheArtofWriting24
Summary: What Alison felt every step away she took from Emily. Distance brings a truth about Emily Ali saw never say coming.


When Alison daydreamed about love she wasn't sure she could ever think that way for somebody. She felt skeptical anyone could ever bring out that feeling of craving and lusting for someone so much you would give them your everything, you would undo yourself for them to be able to destroy you at will. But, when Emily turned with those chocolate orbs and grinned with nothing but that naive kind of love, for a small amount of time not even a full second Ali thought potentially she could so she smile back. Emily reminded Alison of the ocean, she was enchanting but underneath the beauty was the unknown and with the unknown came apprehension.

Alison wasn't ignorant of to her hateful words and manipulative behavior, but when Ali was alone with Emily and Emily peered in her eyes. She could feel Emily look into her heart and see a different girl, a girl Ali yearned to be. When Ali gazed at Emily her eyes pleaded for help, and when Emily smiled it was her way of promising to try to show Ali what Emily saw in her, and when Ali acknowledged back it was her promise to try to get there. They didn't need words to disclose their pact, they both understood. Alison always knew Emily gave her heart to her and Emily belonged to her, and sometimes when they were alone Alison thought maybe one day she could belong with Emily too.

When Ali left Rosewood behind on that bus, she truly didn't think it would be this hard. She would miss Hanna, Aria, even Spencer, but the tears trailing down her cheeks weren't for them. Ali kept telling herself this was the right decision, if she was going to live this had to be done, but when she looked at the aged picture of her and Emily, she couldn't be so sure. But Alison Delaurentis was strong so she sucked up the tears, put the picture away, knowing that she didn't do this just for her but for Emily. If Emily was around Ali, one of them would get hurt, and Alison wasn't going to let that be Emily.

With the minimal money Alison had in her wallet she rents a meager stained motel room just out of Philadelphia, she disrobes her jacket and shoes and slumps on the bed. Constant fear as she repeatedly checks out the dingy ancient window for signs of life. She reflects about all the atrocious things she left in Rosewoods, the kind of legacy she would be known for, nobody wants that to be their last impression.

Ali analyzes a time spent when she wasn't frigid and inhuman, when she could just open her heart. When she closed her eyes Emily was there. She was all the good in the world Alison could ever see. She thinks about the their time in library. When in one courageous moment Alison let her heart grace her sleeve and read Emily the words she couldn't say from herself dreaming it would aid her in showing she was there and still trying. She recollects how unsure Emily was when her eyes were clouded with glimmers of fondness, and chaos. But, like every time before and after Emily put love first and graced her lips on Alison's. Alison had a decision in that moment to put Emily above her needs and not kiss her back no matter what it would do to her, but when those sweet eyes are begging for feeling Ali had no choice but to given in out of selfishness. When their lips embraced Ali's thoughts faltered, her vision blurred in only sights of Emily. She felt the goodness and innocence of Emily's soul transferring from Emily's lip's to her own. Alison tried in that single kiss to express to Emily everything she had withheld from her for so long. When they break apart, Emily seems even more in love if that's possible, and Ali immediately feels the guilt. She can't let Emily know there is more to this but she can worry about that later for now, this moment is the closest to complete as it could get,so she smiles back reaffirming their pact.

Ali wonders how the girls are taking the news of her sudden disappearance. Aria, Hanna, and Spencer will be saddened by it, but in the end they will come out on the other side. Ali wasn't sure she could say the same for Emily. Alison always believed Emily was the strongest of the girls, but this was something even Emily might not bound back from. Alison laid on the old bed crawled in a ball clutching spoiled tissues in one hand and a picture of her and Emily together in another. She cried herself to sleep that night, knowing Emily most likely did the same.

Days turn to weeks, and weeks to months. When Ali watches the news they talk about her less and less. She has dulled from reality, all that's left are the pictures of her in modest cafes, and in the windows of local shops that nobody bothers to look at anymore. It should make her sad, but it doesn't she has become even more numb. Traveling small town to small town from train to bus station makes you indifferent. But sometimes at night when she looks up at the sky and at the moon, she wondering if maybe just maybe Emily is looking at it too, and she feels a little less alone.

One day out of nowhere it begins again like a bad dream coming back uninvited. A text message from A. The text message reads "Girl Crush is running out air. Better hurry.- Kisses A." Along with it was an address. Without a single though Alison was on her way to Emily. On the way she taught about not how "A" gotten a hold of her diary, but how the girl who wrote about "Girl Crush" wasn't this Alison. When Ali arrives at the barn she doesn't precede with caution, she doesn't fear it was a trap, because Emily is possibly in danger and that all she needs to know to flip open the door to the unknown. She finds Emily lying on the floor, she quickly grabs her and pulls her out to safety. Ali checks for a breathe of life while waiting for Emily's chest to rise, Alison could swear her heart could crack, but then it rose. She took off her denim vest and made a makeshift pillow out of it and placed it under Emily's head on her lap. She caressed her long locks, memorizing her face, the contours,everything not knowing the next time she will have a chance like this. She looks at the girl in front of her, she wonders how she ever hurt her like she did in the locker room. Ali had Emily clip her bra for her, Ali did it for a couple of reasons one she loved how she felt under Emily's gaze nothing but admiration, and how her fingers danced over Ali's skin. But, when Emily's lips grazed the tender skin on Alison's neck, she knew she was pulling Emily in too deep as much as she wanted to turn around and connect their lips, she composed herself and made it clear it couldn't happen again. When she got home that night she cried herself to sleep, but she did what to she had to do to protect her best chance of learning to love.

This tender moment was anything if not bittersweet, she was so close but still so far away from Emily. This was a fleeting moment, a moment not meant to last. A moment not meant to get stuck in. When Emily's eyelids started to flutter, Alison chose to stay with her. Emily seemed hazy, and confused she probably wouldn't even remember a second of this. Maybe that was for the better. "Alison…" Emily mumbles out barely. Alison just smile back tenderly lining her face with her finger. Alison lays a lot on the line, words shes never told anyone not even Emily until now. She tells Emily she's her favorite, nobody loved her as much as Emily did. And in a moment of hope she asks if Emily wants to go away with her. Emily doesn't answer and falls back into her unconscious spell. Ali think about what she's gone through this last year, constant fear, endless running, paranoia, loneliness, she didn't want any of that for Emily. She knew soon someone was bound to find Emily and she had leave before that. She leans in and gently presses her lips to Emily's, she doesn't do it for Emily she does it for herself. And just like that it's back to running.

Again time passes fast , Alison's grip on the past life she had in Rosewood is all but a distant memory. Shana tells her bits and pieces about Emily from time to time. Emily strength has proven true she has come out the other side of Alison's faked death, even stronger. It breaks Ali at little to know Emily has moved on, but if she's happy that's all that really matters.

When the girls find out about Alison being alive, she can't help but feel hurt by their expressions, no smile, or happy tears just pure shock. Even Emily seemed unsure how to feel about her resurrection. Alison is lost in Emily's eyes the entire time. She asks if they missed her. They don't responded. But when Ali makes it clear she has to leave again, Emily says just enough to make all her fears come true "Don't leave again, Ali."

That moment for sure Alison Delaurentis knew she was in love with Emily Fields and she had been all along. She realized in those short four words, she had given her heart to Emily a long time ago, she just never knew it. She realized this girl was the one to show her what love really revelation only made it that much harder for Ali to walk away once again and whip a single tear away with her red sleeve.

Alison sat perched on some old warehouse box, awaiting Emily's arrival. She fiddled with her fingers raked from her nerves. The clacking of metal signals that Emily had entered the building. Alison sees her before Emily can see her, she's breathtaking and Alison meaning literally she gasps at the sight of Emily. When Emily turns around she is just as jaw slacked as Alison. Emily embraces Alison tightly, causing time to pause, like no time as past at all. They stay like this for what feels like an eternity but still it's not nearly long enough for Ali. Ali apologizes for everything she's ever done to hurt Emily, she mouths all she can to prove she is finally the person Emily saw in her along. But a noise interrupts the sweet reunion, causing Ali to run again.

In the small cramp phone booth Alison awaits Shana's return with her money so she can continue her run, when Shana says she can't talk. Ali knows exactly what she means A has gotten to her, and she is longer risking herself to help Alison. She open her purse and takes out her wallet to see she has less that fifty dollars on her. She regrets trusting anybody else other than Emily, she knows better now. She gets on a bus with the last of her funds, headed to the city of bright lights with tears once again staining her cheeks every single one a confession of love for Emily Fields.

They are all here in Alison's new loft apartment, like nothings changed. Alison is telling the truth about everything. She wants Emily to know her games are over, and she just wants to come home. When she first sees them the girls except for Emily are distant, eventually Aria and Hanna hug her, Spencer still keeping her space. Then new Ali does something old Ali would never do, she reaching for Emily's hand and doesn't plan to let go ever again.

Later when Ali and Emily are out on top of the roof alone, She looking out at the moon, the same moon Ali looked at when she was all alone hoping Emily was doing the same. Ali takes her place and stands next to Emily their shoulders just barely touching. " I've missed you." Ali says to Emily. Emily with that same sweet loving smile says "I've missed you too." She begins to tear up and Ali swipes at her tears with her thumb. "I love you." Ali says more confident than she thought she would be. Emily doesn't say anything, she just lunges forward crashing Ali's lips in a brutal kiss filled with desperation, and needing on both ends. When it's over she leans her forehead against Alison's and says "I love you. I never stopped."

Alison knows that their problems are far from over, and a kiss doesn't rid their world of it's evils. But Alison loves Emily, and Emily loves Alison and right now that is all that matters to her. And whatever happens next they will deal with it together.


End file.
